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Why don’t you leave? But how to leave an abusive relationship?

Living in an abusive relationship and tolerating an abusive individual is challenging, exhausting, frustrating, and whatnot. But, to leave an abusive relationship may seem easy—it’s not!

Deciding is extremely hard, especially when you are beaten down, financially controlled, and physically threatened. In simpler words, the abused person loses the capacity to think straight.

You may have decided to leave the abusive relationship, but still, you are confused, uncertain, and frightened. You are scared about the future, and deep down, you still hope the situation will change for good. Another story is how your partner will react if he knows you are leaving. You are in a guilt trap and blame yourself for this situation.

It is a trap!

Do not fall for it, do not be trapped by confusion or guilt; do not hang on to this relationship, be strong and leave. Let’s read more on how to leave an abusive relationship and how you can take steps towards a better life.

How to leave an abusive relationship?

How to leave an abusive relationship

If you are unsure about your decision and how to leave an abusive relationship, follow the guide. It might help you to leave.

Get clarity:

If you are in an abusive relationship and blame yourself, stop doing it immediately. It is not your fault that your partner is abusive if you did not ask for this. It is quite a common practice, and abusers try to convince themselves that whatever happens is their fault. You provoked the abuser to do this.

You deserve safety and healing; for that, you need to get out of the abusive relationship. If you have children, they also deserve a home free of violence. They also deserve mental peace and not aggression and manipulation. You may feel terrified, but there must be someplace where you can go.

Plan and Prepare:

You have endured so much; now is the time to think about yourself and your sanity. Back to the basics, you need to have a plan. You cannot leave because your safety and security are also at stake. So, before you plan to leave an abusive relationship, do not let the abuser know that you are leaving.

Please do not leave a hint; it is the safest way to leave. Try using someone else’s phone to plan out. Also, before you leave, you need a safe place. You cannot just go out, especially when you have children. Get a safe place, maybe a shelter home.

Get in Touch with Authorities and Professionals:

It is important to get in touch with authorities, victim court advocacy, and professionals. Create a safety plan, and they will guide you through all the legalities. You do not need to do it alone; you can contact hotlines and local shelters to get help. To make an informed decision, you must have a path to navigate your current situation.

Reach Out to Trusted Friends and Family:

If you are in an abusive relationship, the abuser may have isolated you from your friends and family. Contact people you trust and those who make you feel safe. No matter what, you will crave support once you get out of this relationship. And there is no shame in asking for support. Do not be afraid to tell the people what you are going through.

Protect Your Phone’s Privacy:

If you have access to the phone, change your privacy settings. Keep a passcode for every application. You must keep the information private if you plan to leave the abusive relationship. Hide the number and resource that will help you in escaping. Turn off the location services as well. You must also clear your search history, do everything, and leave no stone unturned.

Contact Local Shelters:

How to leave an abusive relationship is a question, but the bigger question is—what to do when you are out of it?

Contacting a local shelter will give you a space even before you leave. You will have access to the resources beforehand. You will get immediate help and access to necessities. Yes, it is not easy to start from scratch; it will be challenging, but you will also have access to training and counseling. With time, you can start with your life and get emotionally and financially independent.

Save Money Before Leaving:

Okay, so you might have decided to leave, and you have gathered all your necessary documents as well. You are sorted, but what about the money?

You will need money to escape, just in case something happens. Think of ways to hide and save money. You must have a certain amount in hand before leaving.

Memorize the Numbers:

Not scaring you but keep this as an option. You might get caught before leaving, or in any case, if you cannot keep a phone with you, it is important to memorize the numbers. Local shelters, family members, friends, hotlines; memorize numbers so that in case you have no phone, you can at least contact them via a public phone.

Pack Up Your Necessities:

It is best to gather the stuff gradually and ensure the abuser does not notice it. Do not make it too obvious. Necessities may include medications, documents, children’s favorite toys, and anything you feel is important for your daily life. Pack some clothes and shoes as well. Do not overpack, as it will be difficult for you to drag your belongings wherever you go.

Gather the Identification Records:

You must have heard about someone who left an abusive relationship without documents and had to go through legalities again to make new documents. We all hear such stories, and yes, you are nothing without your identification records.

Gather the following items on a priority basis:

  1. Birth Certificates (Incase if you have children)
  2. Health Insurance Cards
  3. Financial statements
  4. Social Security Cards
  5. Housing Documents
  6. Passport
  7. Educational Documents

Abusive Relationship Signs:

Abusive Relationship Signs

An abusive relationship is not just Domestic violence but much more than that. Sexual, emotional, physical, mental, and isolation come under an abusive relationship. Below are some common signs of an abusive relationship.

  • The abuser will control you all the time. Keeping track of what you do and where you go. They will get angry if you try to do something that they have asked you not to.
  • They will put you down privately and publicly.
  • Isolating from meeting family and friends.
  • Constantly blaming you for everything.
  • Derogatory remarks and foul language.
  • Forcing for sexual activities.
  • Hitting, pushing, slapping, physical abuse.

Wrapping up:

Just like that, wrap up your abusive relationship. How to leave an abusive relationship and move on with the decision needs a lot of courage. But you need to put yourself first. Establish a support network and prioritize yourself. You are your hero, and everyone deserves a peaceful life. Join support groups and read the stories of people who left an abusive relationship. Please do not blame yourself for what’s happening; it is not your fault. Your relationship does not reflect who you are, and you can change your time.

FAQ’s:

What is an abusive relationship cycle?

Abusive relationship cycles have different stages. Firstly, the abuser will build tension and panic in the house, followed by violence, and then try to mend things. Lastly, I will try to act normal like nothing happened.

How to leave an abusive relationship?

Make up your mind when you are done with the relationship. Prepare a plan, gather all your basic stuff and documents. Save up some money, and reach out to a family member, friend, or a shelter house before leaving.

Lisa Clontz

Author Lisa Clontz

Lisa Clontz is an experienced Executive Director at Shelter Home of Caldwell County, specializing in providing shelter and support services to victims of domestic violence, child support, rape, and sexual assault. With her years of expertise, Lisa passionately assists women and children, helping them access the necessary resources and care they need. Her unwavering commitment to creating a safe environment and empowering survivors has made her an invaluable advocate in the community.

More posts by Lisa Clontz

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